I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
