Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
