Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
