So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
