i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize