You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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