I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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