u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
