remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
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Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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