I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
