Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
