3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
