I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
