My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
