They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
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In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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