how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We don't watch enough power rangers
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
