my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
