It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
