i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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