Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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