question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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