you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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