Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
