Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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