The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
