it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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