I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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