if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
