o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
