my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
