You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
