i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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i think i scared a bird with my dick
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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