Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis