Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  All I've ever wanted to do in life is right

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you should learn how to spell write first

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  (313): All I've ever wanted to do in life is right (517): Maybe you should learn how to spell write first http://tfl.nu/4u4l
  Replies (19) Good night (815) Bad night (1356)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought she had blonde hair

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, Gonorrhea actually

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  (610): I thought she had blonde hair (302): No, Gonorrhea actually http://tfl.nu/3gym
  Replies (6) Good night (710) Bad night (1701)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.

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  (630): Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me. http://tfl.nu/4ss8
  Replies (18) Good night (7219) Bad night (1989)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.

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  (+44): I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa. http://tfl.nu/wm5o
  Replies (3) Good night (2144) Bad night (968)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...

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  (501): So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike... http://tfl.nu/h9ar
  Replies (10) Good night (1273) Bad night (3950)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there

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  (319): You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there http://tfl.nu/a5ka
  Replies (14) Good night (1227) Bad night (3078)
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  (858): View more from California

  Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.

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  (858): Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process. http://tfl.nu/ba8i
  Replies (2) Good night (1187) Bad night (619)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.

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  (770): You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building. http://tfl.nu/mjb6
  Replies (18) Good night (931) Bad night (2291)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious

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  (870): Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious http://tfl.nu/hhr4
  Replies (9) Good night (2169) Bad night (547)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic

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  (765): My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic http://tfl.nu/h32f
  Replies (0) Good night (645) Bad night (352)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.

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  (517): for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative. http://tfl.nu/mxb3
  Replies (5) Good night (285) Bad night (845)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.

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  (250): Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/75a5
  Replies (0) Good night (735) Bad night (365)
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  (+33): View more from France

  I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.

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  (+33): I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to. http://tfl.nu/izf5
  Replies (2) Good night (515) Bad night (369)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.

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  (519): Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf. http://tfl.nu/i5lg
  Replies (2) Good night (830) Bad night (234)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.

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  (330): If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League. http://tfl.nu/d8th
  Replies (2) Good night (853) Bad night (192)

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