her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When are your genitals available?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence