You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.