i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
