She is in my trunk
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.