Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
I'm like, not good at living.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident