i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.