I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His hands were made for my vagina.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
