either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
