cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just blew my weed a kiss
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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