I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
