Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
