my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
