Its about making memories worth repressing
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
