Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize