I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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