if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The ass gains better be worth it
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