btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....