Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.

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(313): I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money. http://tfl.nu/rs3f

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(415): View more from California

u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them

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(415): u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them http://tfl.nu/vc7z

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.

(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.

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(508): Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen. (781): I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night. (508): Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street. http://tfl.nu/mnwi

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(678): View more from Georgia

All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

(404): View more from Georgia

You mean bread?

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(678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8

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(914): View more from New York

Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS

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(914): Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS http://tfl.nu/w0yg

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(415): View more from California

Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.

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(415): Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting. http://tfl.nu/yl2c

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(612): View more from Minnesota

So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout

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(612): So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout http://tfl.nu/u300

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.

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(919): My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights. http://tfl.nu/zugt

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you

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(717): well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours (484): andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you http://tfl.nu/ooyd

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(404): View more from Georgia

This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"

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(404): This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome" http://tfl.nu/7ky1

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.

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(919): Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday. http://tfl.nu/t5o9

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(860): View more from Connecticut

They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.

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(860): They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult. http://tfl.nu/lsvs

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(310): View more from California

Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.

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(310): Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage. http://tfl.nu/meih

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(206): View more from Washington

True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock

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(206): True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock http://tfl.nu/7m7l

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(618): View more from Illinois

One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.

(1-618): View more from Illinois

Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!

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(618): One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat. (1-618): Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research! http://tfl.nu/3g8w

Replies (6) Good night (1093) Bad night (79)

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