you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.