I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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