remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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