Swine flu is the new snow day.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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