dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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