Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize