I just gift wrapped bread.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
