You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
love makes seman taste better
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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