Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
