Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
