I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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