i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
