So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
